One day I was walking in the park, when I remembered the story I heard on Fax Neus about how much of a cool and sexy guy Paul Ryan waz. He seemed like a nice, honest, not crooked, fair, and balanced guy (like most politicians are) and then I saw him in the park.
I was very excited because I was his biggest fan (by that I mean that I'm really fat) and I went up to him to say hi, and give him a hug, but I had just entered a world of terror!!!!!>>>.....?>...!!!!;;;;;>>....;::::..??:!!!
Paul Ryan's eyes glowededed red and blue (but not white), his fangs dripped with red gushing blood, his face morphed into a putrid green color, his muscles grew razor sharp spikes, and towering horns grew out of his head! "EWQDWNOqajOWJNWWMKWMOWARACHHCHCHCHIORKROKREIOIEOAWK!!!!" shouted Ron Paul Ryan. He proceded to bear hug me, smashing my chest into my heart, until I finally broke free and collapsed onto the floor. Paul stared at me with his horrible reptillian eyes. I watched screaming as he ripped up my inner organs with his disgustingly vile mouth which was now an ocean of blood. I had no idea what to do......
"I have now become Ryannnnnxxxxx" "Bow before me!" Then he instantly turned back to normal and said "I'm just kidding, can I have your vote? It's only $19.99 (+ shipping and handling)" I couldn't speak because my jaw was badly damaged, so he just gave me a card with his name on it (that's all there was on it) and told me to call the number on it (it was a gay sex hotline) Then, he farted off to the white house!
Mitt Romney, Obama, Joe Biden, and Patrixxx (our 5 presidents) walked by me. I asked them for help, but they beat me up and stole all of my lunch money, however I told the teacher on them, and they all got a detention! I eventually decied to vote Patrixxx as president, because I wanted him to become the first woman to become president.
And then a skeleton popped out!
Oh and one more thing
THE ILLLUMINAGI WAS THWEONE BEHIND IT ALL! THEY MADE SATEN AND ALL THW WITCHES INT HE WORLD. JON STEWART IS THEIR KING, I HAVE DONE ALLL OF MY RESEARCH FROM "The Onion.com" and "Borat" ANSD BIG BEN WILL BLOW UP IN THE 2012 EULYMPICS iN 1996. THESE ZIONISTIC CHINESE SIAMESE CATS CONTROLL THE MEDIJAS AND ONLY HOP IS RONNE PALL TO BE PRESIDENT AND LEGALISZE PATRIXXXX!!!!! BELIEVE ME! THE WOLRD WILL END IN 1987!